Flirt Coach, Peta Heskell says women who are desperate to get married, may forget to STOP and LOOK before they LEAP into a 'romantic' proposal. Ask yourself Peta's top 10 'look before you leap' questions before you pop THE question.
Peta's Top 10 'look before you leap' questions are designed to make you stop and think if this really is right for you.....
Marriage isn't about romance, surprise weekends in Rome and flowers and hearts.. It's about accepting, understanding, sharing and, above all, about being YOU and being in harmony.
Treat these questions with respect because they are designed to make YOU THINK deeply about what you really want.
1.Have you passed the two year test yet? Lust hormones are so powerful they cloud reality and incompatibilities and they stick around for up to two years. You may still be in the grip of lust-mania. Why not give it time to find out. If, after two years, you feel this person is someone you want to be with, great. If not, be careful. You may be deceiving yourself
2. Do you understand and accept his future hopes, dreams and potential disappointments? Have you discussed children, properly? If so, when, how many, who will care for them? What does he mean by commitment, sharing, wife?
Make sure you are clear on each others desires and dreams. Some people go into marriage assuming that these little things will just 'iron themselves out'.. WRONG. Find out if he's a frustrated artist living life in the guise of a successful lawyer.
3. Do you ever find yourself saying things like ‘He wouldn’t like me to do that’ or ‘I’d never do that when he’s around’. This is a BIG DANGER sign. If you can’t be yourself completely, then think again.
4. Do you know his bad points but love and accept him as a package? If your relationship is to endure through thick and thin, it is vital to see his ‘faults’ as quirks of character that you can NEVER change. To try is the certain death of love.
5. Are you hiding anything from him that he should know about you? If he really is the right man for you he will accept you for who you are now and if your 'secret' is revealed later, he'll be there to support you because he already knows.. and accepts you. That's a powerful mojo in the face of gossip and innuendo...
6. Are you familiar with each other's financial status? How will you live, who will pay for what, where will you live.. Are you looking for a man of means to provide you with security? Nothing is guaranteed. What will happen if the money disappears? Remember that marriage is ‘for richer, for poorer’.
7. Are you compatible about things such as punctuality, tidiness, taste in food, style of dress? How fussy are you about behaviours, habits, dress?
If a 'stickler for punctuality' always on time and the 'last-minute' partner is forever late, this can have as big an impact on your relationship as differences in religion or politics. Just what can you tolerate, when the lust clouds fade? These ingrained habits and beliefs are generally non-negotiable. People can change, but only when they're ready and it might not be for a long time. Can you handle this?
8. Do you get on with and care about the people your partner loves – his family and friends and vice versa? If not, what can you do to accept them more. Being happy is about being big-hearted and sharing.
9. Is the way you enjoy your free time well-matched? If he is into solo expeditions and you enjoy doing your own thing too that’s great. And if you are both passionate about something that’s great too. But if you prefer to share things with someone, don’t choose a solo adventurer. Don't expect someone to give up a lifelong love of football or motorbikes just because he's a father now. Check out this stuff before you leap into romanceville.
10. Are your temperaments compatible? Balance is important. A high octane individual can often make a shy person shyer. Some people choose partners who are very different because they think they'll make up for some lack in them. Some people have more 'stuff' than others. Jealousy, envy, self deprecation, lack of motivation etc... Emotional baggage brings emotionally driven behaviour.
Big emotional outbursts and persistent shyness are not the best ingredients for a lasting balanced relationship.
BONUS QUESTION... and the most important
Can you both laugh at yourselves? If you can't you'll have a much harder time of it. Mutually shared laughter is one of the best relationship tonics I know. When someone starts nagging, if you can make them laugh they stop and often realise how silly they've been! Laughing at yourself will get you through a lot of potentially explosive incidents.
Peta's publishers Harper Collins are happy to provide press review books or books for competition prizes [subject to approval]. For details click name to mail Chiara Priorelli - Thorsons Element PR. or call Chaira on 020 8307 4545
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